I had to take a morning class and it did. not. go. well.
My brain woke up pretty quickly this morning, which is new and likely yoga related. I feel more clear headed in general these days, so it seems reasonable that waking up better would follow. So that was good.
However. I am not a morning person. Not even close. I didn't want to get up this morning one bit and my body was stiff and crackly from the second I got up right through class. My back was having no part of any stupid yoga. So a lot of things hurt, and when things hurt I don't breathe right and when I don't breathe right I get tired and when I get tired I yawn and keep breathing wrong and start to feel lightheaded and hate hate hate that I am wasting a practice.
So I have to remind myself that my body is where it is, and it's not a waste if I am doing what I can. At the very least I knew that my back would feel better once class was over, and feel better it does. I am still recovering. I need to eat and then I will start to feel better.
The good news, though, is that even given what a shambles of a practice it was, I can see that my balance is getting stronger. All of my concentration series is holding a little bit more steady, a little bit tighter, a little bit longer. Yesterday I actually noticed that in Standing Bow when I fell out of the pose I fell forward for the first time, rather than to the side or back. It seems little, but it's a pretty big milestone for me.
During the final savasana, the teacher read a quotation that she has read many times before. I could practically recite it. For some reason I felt the sting of tears the moment she started it. I feel like I should include it here, so here you go. It's one written by Marianne Willamson, for Nelson Mandela's inaugural speech.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are younot to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
I have to take the morning class again tomorrow, so be thinking graceful, wakeful thoughts for me as you are getting moving in the morning! I need all the help I can get, believe me.
I hope that you are not too terribly cold, wherever you are. We are looking for snow tonight which I hope we will not get. I hope you have lots of hot cocoa and ways to stay warm until all this horrible cold moves on! Be safe, and I will see you in the morning!



